We will survive this, together
by TrueLoveEternity
Summary: The whole hospital struggle to recover, physically and mentally. They all try to find a way to move on with their lives, but will things ever be the same? Takes place after season 6. From Meredith's POV and focuses on her and Derek. Enjoy!
1. Everything is going to be okay

**So, the story begins. I'll try to update it as often as I can, at least two times a week. I don't know where the story will end up or how long it will be, so that's a surprise to me too. **

**I just have to say that I'm from Sweden, so English is only my second language, so please don't be to hard on me when it comes to language. I do my best, but it won't be perfect, just so you know.**

**So enjoy the reading, and please review, that would make me really happy!**

"He's asking for you."

Meredith woke up from her thoughts when she heard Christina's voice. She turned around to face her best friend who stood in the doorway.

"Good. I'm coming." Meredith said and closed the door to her locker.

Christina took a few steps forward so she stood in front of Meredith.

"Are you okay?" She gave her a worried look.

"I'm fine."

Christina gave Meredith a sharp look. "We're never fine."

"I'm fine Christina. Really. I mean, given all that happened, I'm fine."

Christina sighed. She knew Meredith well enough to know when not to push it any further. This was one of those moments.

"Just tell me if you need anything, okay?"

Meredith nodded as to say thanks, and Christina disappeared out of the locker room. Meredith sighed deeply. She looked at the trashcan one last time. She still didn't understand it. So many things had changed in less than 10 hours. Her whole life had changed. She had felt so many things the past hours. Joy, fear, desperation. She had felt like her whole life was ending. Like she was loosing all she ever had. She could still feel the horror she had felt when she thought she was loosing Derek.

_Derek._

Meredith shook her head, as if she could shake all the dark thoughts away. She was going to see Derek. He was awake. She needed to see him, to see that he was alive. She had to look into his beautiful blue eyes and see it for herself. Even though she knew he was going to be fine it still felt like he could slip away from her at any moment. She wouldn't let that happen. Not now, not after everything.

Meredith walked through the hospital, she walked across the floors that had been covered in blood only an hour earlier. The floors where people had been shot. Where people had died. Where lives had ended.

Meredith hurried to the ICU where Derek lay. She hadn't seen him since Teddy took over after the surgery and drove Meredith away to get someone to look at her. Christina or Owen must have told her about the miscarriage.

Meredith had gone to the gynecologist and it had been a complete miscarriage. She would meet with the gynecologist again in a week, just to have a check-up. But she would be fine. She might have some pain for a few days, but she would be fine.

But that didn't change the fact that her heart broke whenever she thought about it. She had lost a baby. _Derek's baby_. And even though she'd only known about the pregnancy for a few hours, she had loved the baby. And now it was gone.

When she reached the room, Meredith slowed down. She held her breath for a few seconds when she saw Derek lying in the hospital bed, sleeping. He had fallen asleep again, and she watched him for a moment. He was pale, and there were tubes all around him. Beside the bed, the monitor showed his heartbeat, which now was steady. Meredith started breathing again and let out a sigh of relief.

She took a few steps forward, so that she was standing next to the bed. She looked at her husband's face. He was pale and looked so sick, but he was still Derek. The love of her life.

She felt the tears that started to roll down her cheeks. _Damn it_, she thought. She had tried so hard not to cry. She had been able to hold the tears inside, until now. Now that she saw Derek lying there, it was like something broke inside of her. The tears streamed down her face and it was impossible to stop them.

Meredith sat down in the chair beside the bed and let out the tears. She took Derek's hand in hers and just sat there for a while. She wanted him to wake up. She wanted to see his beautiful blue eyes, she wanted to talk to him, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him. She wanted him to wake up. She needed him to. But at the same time, she know how much he needed to rest. The more he could sleep, the faster he would be okay again.

About half-an-hour later, Christina entered the room.

"Hey." Meredith said, with a weak smile.

"Hey." Christina picked up Derek's chart, but when she saw everything was the same as last time, she put it back and turned to look at Meredith. "Are you okay?"

Meredith nodded. "I'm fine. How's Owen?" Meredith said.

Luckily, the bullet had gone right through his shoulder, but you never knew what could have been damaged, even if she hadn't been able to see any damage when she stitched him up. But she was afraid she'd missed something.

"He's good. Stubborn as usual, insists on going back to work, even if he can't move his arm properly. But he'll be fine."

"Good." Meredith said. "Christina?"

"Hum?" She looked up to met Meredith's eyes.

"Thank you for saving my guy. I'll owe you forever, you know."

Christina smiled. "I'll make sure to remember that." She looked at Derek. "Are you going to tell him?"

Meredith nodded. "I will. But not yet. In a few days, when he's better."

"Good." Christina said. "I'm proud of you Mer. A few years ago, you would have ran away from all of this."

"No running." Meredith said in a low voice, turning her eyes to Derek.

"What?" Christina said confused.

"It's in our vow's. No running." she looked up at Christina who smiled.

"Right. The post-it vows."

"Yeah."

Christina looked up at the watch. "Oh, crap. I have to go. I'm going with Owen to Seattle Pres in five minutes. I'll be back later."

"Will you check on Alex?"

Christina nodded.

"Let me know if anything changes, okay?"

"Yeah." she said before she disappeared out of the room with a smile.

Meredith turned her eyes to Derek again, surprised to find herself looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hey." she whispered. She stood up and gently stroke his hair.

"Hey." Derek's voice was hoarse, but it was him. It was Derek. Meredith felt like if a heavy stone was lifted from her shoulders. It was over now. Everything was going to be okay.

She met his eyes, and they were quiet for a while.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asked. Her voice was just a whisper.

"Good." Derek answered, which made Meredith smile. She knew he wasn't telling the truth, but it was still good to hear him say it, even if it wasn't true.

"You okay?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded. Now wasn't the time to tell him. He needed to rest and get better. She would tell him about the miscarriage some other day when he was better. She didn't want him to get upset right now. It wasn't what he needed.

Derek smiled weakly. "Good." he said with his soft voice.

Meredith saw how he tried to lift his hand, but he gave up with a sigh. He just didn't have the strength yet. Meredith took his hand in hers and squeezed it. She sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Thank you for not dying." she said at last. Derek looked at her, sorrow in his eyes.

"I couldn't leave you, could I?"

Meredith felt tears begin to build up in her eyes, but she wiped them away and squeezed his hand again. "No. Because if you did, I would have come after you just to be able to beat the crap out of you." she said with a weak smile.

"Good thing I didn't then." Derek said with a smile and started to caress Meredith's hand with his thumb. Suddenly, his face changed, and his eyes got sad "Do you know how many people…?" His voice faded out.

Meredith shook her head. She hadn't heard any numbers of how many had been shot. The only one's she knew about besides Derek were Reed and Alex. Alex was still alive, but he hadn't woken up. She hadn't been to visit him yet. She didn't want to leave Derek's side, and Alex was in Seattle Pres. She would go there later, she promised herself.

Meredith saw the pained expression on Derek's face. A pain she knew had nothing to do with the physical injuries he had.

"Derek."

He meet her eyes. "He was after me. He came here to shoot me." his voice was only a whisper. "It's not fair. It's not fair that innocent people should die because of me."

Meredith stroke her hand across his forehead. "Derek, this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't get to blame yourself for what happened. This is Mr. Clark's fault, okay?"

Derek nodded, but Meredith could see that she hadn't been able to convince him. She stroke her fingers across his cheek and Derek looked at her.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too Derek." she said, bending down to kiss him gently. Suddenly she felt a flash of pain going through her body which made her wince. Derek frowned.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Meredith shook her head and forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"Meredith.." The look on his face told her he didn't believe her at all.

"I'm fine, okay?"

"When you say the word 'fine', that means you're not okay."

Meredith didn't answer. She was saved by Mark, who entered the room.

"Hey. Am I disturbing anything? I can come back later."

"You're always disturbing." Derek said with a smile. "But you can come in."

Mark grinned. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, considering I just got a bullet removed from my chest."

"Good." Mark said. "Sorry I haven't been here earlier, but I was over at Seattle Pres to help with some of the gun shots."

"Do you know how many he shot?" Derek asked.

Mark hesitated. "I'm not sure.." He started. "The last I heard was that about 20 people. I don't know how many of them are dead though. Most of them are at Seattle Pres now."

Derek sighed deeply. "Damn it."

Meredith sat down at the end of the bed and let Mark take the chair beside the bed. He sat down with a smile at her.

"Webber is taking over as temporary Chief, until you're back on your feet." Mark said and Derek nodded.

"Good. But he might as well take over entirely. I'll give notice to leave as Chief of surgery as soon as I can." he said, putting a surprised look on both Meredith's and Mark's faces.

"Why?" Mark asked. Meredith didn't know what to say. She hadn't been expecting this. She hadn't been expecting this _at all._

Derek shrugged a bit, looking up at Meredith.

"I don't know really. It's just not what I thought it would be. I almost never got to operate, I had paperwork to do all the time, meetings to go to. I guess, I was unhappy with the work. I didn't look forward to going to work anymore. I almost never felt the rush you get in the OR." Meredith could se sadness in his eyes. She hadn't realized just how unhappy he had been lately.

"And all of this.." Derek continued "..it made me realize that we can't live our lives just waiting for everything to change, to be better. Life's too short to be unhappy, I guess. I'd rather do something that makes me happy."

Mark smiled. "You always come up with the impressive speaks huh?"

Derek laughed, but stopped when the laugh turned in to a cough. Meredith looked at him, worried. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Meredith raised her eyebrow over the fact that he used the word 'fine', but she didn't say anything about it. Not now. Instead, she turned to Mark.

"Do you know how Alex is doing? Is he okay?"

She noticed Marks face changing when she mentioned Alex's name. She couldn't quite point out what had changed, but he somehow looked sad.

"He hasn't woken up yet, but everything seems to be good. I bet he wakes up today." He said. "Lexie is with him right now."

"Good." It was all Meredith could say.

Mark turned to Derek again. "I called Nancy earlier. She said she would call Carolyn, and they're all coming tomorrow."

_Crap_. Meredith hadn't even thought about calling Derek's family. She hadn't though of them at all. She felt bad about it. Of course he wanted his family to come. Of course they needed to know.

Derek nodded. "Thanks Mark."

'Beep. Beep.'

Mark looked at his pager. "Damn it. I got to go. Page me if you need me or anything, okay? I'll be back later." With that Mark disappeared out of the room.

Derek turned his eyes to Meredith. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Don't worry about me, okay? All you have to think about is getting better." she smiled weakly. "And right now you should get some rest. I bet you're tired."

Derek nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Meredith stood up. She leaned forward and kissed him. "I'll be right here." she said and sat down in the chair. Derek closed his eyes with a smile. "I love you Meredith." he whispered.

A few seconds later he was asleep.


	2. Time to be brave

**So here it comes, chapter 2. Enjoy! And thank you for showing such an interest in this story, that's what keeps me going!**

"Alex?" Meredith entered the room where Alex were laying in the bed, and Lexie was sitting right next to him. They looked up at Meredith as she walked up to the bed.

"Hi. Sorry I didn't come earlier. How are you feeling?" Meredith asked and sat down on a free chair.

"Good. Less pain now." Alex answered. "And I can't really blame you for taking so long, can I?" he added and Meredith smiled.

"Yeah, I guess."

"How's Derek doing?" he asked.

"He's good. He had to give a statement to the police earlier which was hard on him, but right now I think he's sleeping."

"Can you believe it?" Alex said after a moment of silence. "A guy comes in to a hospital, _a hospital, _and starts shooting people. You think a hospital should be safe, don't you?" His voice was low and sad. "I mean, we spend so much of our time trying to repair the injuries people get outside the hospital, in the colder, darker world were bad things happen, where people hurt each other. We bring them to safety, to a hospital where they hopefully can recover. Then one man decides to bring a gun, and suddenly all has changed. I can't believe it. I guess we're not safe anywhere, huh?"

"I guess we're not. Bad things can happen wherever we are." Lexie spoke for the first time and Meredith looked up at her. She was pale and had black rings beneath her eyes. She looked tired. But Meredith guesses she didn't look any better herself.

"Yeah, I guess." Alex said and at the same time, Christina's head popped in trough the door.

"Hi." she said. "Didn't know you were here." she said when she saw Meredith and walked inside. "How's Derek?"

"As good as earlier. He's asleep now."

Christina nodded and turned to Alex. "I'm supposed to take you to the MRI now, and then we'll do some tests."

Alex sighed. "Oh, alright." He shifted and turned to Meredith. "I guess this will take a while, you should go back to Derek, and be with him."

Meredith hesitated. "You sure?" Alex nodded. "Okay, but I'll come by tomorrow. Derek's family is coming, so I think I can sneak out for a moment." she said with a smile.

"The Shepherd's coming?" Lexie asked, surprised.

"Yeah." Meredith said.

"Well, good luck with that." Alex said, teasingly. "I mean, with meeting his sisters for the first time and all of that." he smirked.

"I have met Nancy before, remember?" Meredith interjected.

"Yeah, that went really well. What did she call you again? Slutty intern or what was it?" Christina said, which caused them all to laugh.

"Well, I'll be fine, don't you worry about me." Meredith said as she stood up.

Alex rolled his eyes "Yeah, Whatever."

Meredith slept on the couch in Derek's room that night. She didn't want to leave him. Derek insisted on her going home to sleep, or at least find an on-call room so that she could sleep in a real bed, but she stayed anyway. She wouldn't leave his side.

Meredith didn't get much sleep that night. She lay awake for a long time, just watching Derek sleep, thinking back on the terrible day. The day she would never forget.

24 hours ago everything had been so different.

24 hours ago she had been sleeping in her own bed, with Derek right next to her.

24 hours ago she hadn't even known about the baby.

24 hours ago she hadn't felt that ache in her chest that she now felt all the time.

Those thoughts kept running through her head, and she couldn't fall asleep for a long, long time. When she finally did, the nightmares haunted her.

_Mr. Clark. Gun. Derek. Blood._ _Pain. Horror. _

The images came flashing in front of her, and she woke up, panting. After that, she tried hard not to fall asleep. She didn't want to see it again. She couldn't face the nightmares. She never wanted to relive it, _never._

"You look tired." Mark said, as he came into the room and saw Meredith sitting on the couch. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Yeah." Meredith said. She was exhausted, but she was fine. She could handle it.

Derek hadn't woken up yet. Teddy had just been to check on him, and he was doing as good as could be expected. Everything was going to be fine.

Mark sat down in the chair. "I talked to Amelia earlier." he started. "Their flight arrives in two hours, so I'll drive to the airport to pick them up."

Meredith looked up. Right. The Shepherds were coming today. _Great. _

Mark must have seen the look upon her face, because he laughed quietly.

"Don't worry. Derek's sisters are great, all of them. You'll be fine. They won't be judging you too hard."

"Yeah. Like Nancy did when she was here?" Meredith said remembering the one time she had met one of Derek's sisters. That hadn't gone too well.

"Oh, she was just judging you because of the divorce. She'll give you a fair chance this time. They all will. Otherwise Derek will give them hell when he has recovered." Mark smiled and Meredith laughed a bit.

"Thanks Mark."

"For what?" Mark said with confusion.

"For trying to calm me down. Even if I'm still freaked out." Meredith said with a smile and Mark laughed.

"You're welcome."

Meredith yawned. "Have you seen Lexie today?"

Mark shook his head. "No. She's at Seattle Pres with Alex, so I thought I'd give them some space, you know." He looked down on his hands, a sign of insecurity Meredith had never seen on him before.

Meredith had no idea what was going on, but she knew Mark was hiding something from her. Well, she would find out sooner or later. That's how it works here, she thought. No one could keep a secret for more than a few days. Gossip spread like leaves in the wind on a stormy night. Because of that, she didn't ask anything more.

Mark stood up. "I have to go and check on my patients. When he wakes up, will you tell him that I'll pick up his family?" He nodded towards Derek.

Meredith nodded. "I will."

Meredith turned her gaze towards the window, watching the rain falling against the windowpane. At least the weather was like it used to be, when everything else was so different. Somehow that thought was soothing. At least the world outside hadn't changed.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek's voice came towards her from the hospital bed and she looked up with a smile on her lips.

"Nothing. Well, I don't know." she said as she stood up and walked toward him. She placed her hand on his forehead and gently kissed his lips.

He looked at her with a smile while he used the remote to get the bed into a sitting position.

"You look tired." he said with worry in his voice.

"I'm fine. Just didn't sleep to well."

Derek raised his eyebrow and Meredith sighed. "Just dreams. Nothing to worry about, okay?"

"Meredith." he said, looking at her. "I know there's something you're not telling me, please don't turn away from me." he said with a sad look in his eyes. "Not now."

Meredith sat down at the edge of his bed. "It can wait. I'll tell you later, I promise."

"Meredith." he said with a tone in his voice that almost sounded like a warning.

Meredith hesitated. She knew she had to tell him, he deserved to know. She would never want him to keep something this big from her. Still, she wanted to spare him the pain for a while. The pain that would never go away.

She sat in silence for a while. Derek looked at her with that softness in his eyes that melted her heart. She took a deep breath. She had to tell him. It was the right thing to do.

"I.." she started. She couldn't say the words. It was too hard. She took another deep breath before forcing herself to say it. "I had a miscarriage." Her voice were no higher than a whisper. There it was. She had told him. For once, she'd done the brave thing, and she hadn't ran away.

Derek's reaction was instant. Something in his eyes died. His face turned into a pained expression. He looked at her with sadness, and she could see tears start to form in his eyes.

"Mer." he said in a quiet voice.

"It's okay Derek. I'm fine. It's okay."

Derek reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm so sorry Meredith. I'm sorry."

She forced a smile. "It's okay."

She could barely look into his eyes. It was hard to see the sadness, to see the pain. She knew what he was feeling, and she knew there was nothing she could say to make it easier.

"When did it ..?"

"While you were in surgery. I guess the stress caused it, when I thought you.." her voice died out. She had told Derek about what had happened in the OR yesterday, when Mr. Clark had come in to shoot Derek again. She hadn't told him about the fact that she had given herself up for him. She knew how he would react to that. He didn't need to know.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry Meredith." She saw tears streaming down his face. That was something that didn't happen often. She'd barely ever seen him cry before. Not like this, anyway.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered again.

"It's not your fault Derek. Okay?"

She bent down and kissed his forehead as she felt the tears running down her own cheeks. Now that Derek knew about it, it felt more real than it had before. It was like if she finally realized what had happened, what she had lost, what _they_ had lost.

It broke her heart to think about it. But she had to be strong. She could not break down, she had to get through this. For Derek, she had to.

'_If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are.'_

**I'm sorry it took so long to post this update, but the next one will be up sooner, I promise. I just had a really hard time writing the scene when Meredith told Derek about the miscarriage. I wanted to show that she has grown as a person and that she now can face the things that are scary without running away, but in a way she's still dark and twisty Meredith and that was hard to put together. **

**But I hope you like it, and please, review and let me know what to improve! Love you guys! ;D**


	3. It's a brand new day

**I'm so sorry for not updating this for a very long time. But here I am, and I'm back. I've just had a lot of my mind, svhool and other stuff. Life just haven't been the best right now, with some things happening that really put me in a bad mood. And my writing had to suffer. But I'll be better from now on, I promise! As usual, I hope you'll like it, and remember, Reviews means everything! Love**

"Derek!"

Meredith turned towards the door and saw Derek's family entering the room followed closely by Mark. Carolyn got to Derek's bed first and bent forward to carefully place a kiss on his forehead. His four sisters stood behind her and Meredith recognized Nancy, who was the only sister she'd met before.

"Hi." Derek said, smiling at his family as Carolyn stroke her hand across his cheek. Meredith could see tears in her eyes, and she felt sad inside. The love Carolyn had for her son was so obvious.

Derek was sitting up in bed, and Meredith sat in the chair beside him.

"Hey little brother. How are you feeling?" one of his sisters said with a weak smile.

"Okay, I guess." he forced a smile. Meredith knew he was in a lot of pain, but he would never admit it. She could see that the others didn't believe him either, but they didn't push it any further.

Carolyn pressed Derek's hand tightly in her own, and Meredith felt an ache in her chest. She realized this was the way Carolyn had lost her husband once, and now she'd almost lost her son the same way.

Life wasn't fair. It was unfair how some people would have to suffer through so much pain. No one should have to feel that. No one should ever have to feel what Meredith had felt when she thought she was loosing Derek. As if everything just slipped right out of her hands and she couldn't do anything about it.

As a surgeon she often felt that feeling, when a life slipped out of her hand, no matter how hard she tried to save it, there was nothing she could do. But this had been different. So different. It had been Derek's life that was slipping out of her hands this time. It had been the love of her life, the one person that kept her together, the one person that made her feel as if life was worth living.

This time, it had been her own life that was slipping out of her hands. Because she knew that she would never be able to go on living without Derek, not after all this time. A life without him would be a life full of pain, because he took her pain away. Everything she'd been through, all the bad things, they didn't seem so bad when she was with Derek, because somehow, they had all led her to him. And she was nothing without him. He made her life complete. Without him nothing made any sense.

"So, this is the wife you've kept safely away from us all this time?"

Meredith looked up when she felt the Shepherds staring at her. They had been talking to Derek and Mark, but she hadn't been listening. She had been absorbed too deeply in her own thoughts.

She turned her head to Derek, who smiled that beautiful smile at her, as if to tell her that it was going to be okay. She turned to face his sisters again, and took a deep breath. How bad could it be, right? They were his family after all. That meant they were her family, kind of.

"Yeah. I'm Meredith." she said with a weak smile.

"It's so nice to finally meet you. I'm Kathleen." said the one of his sisters who had talked to her earlier. To Meredith's surprise Kathleen stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Meredith carefully hugged her back, confused. This wasn't how it was supposed to go? They were supposed to judge her, right?

The other sisters followed Kathleen's lead and introduced themselves. Meredith smiled. She hadn't expected this. They seemed so nice. They didn't seem to judge her at all. It wasn't what she had expected. It wasn't that bad at all.

"Okay, I have to go. Page me if you need anything." Mark said with a smile before turning around and disappearing out of the door.

The room got quiet for a moment before Nancy spoke up.

"What happened Derek? How could all of this happen?"

Derek sighed. He took a deep breath and started from the beginning. He told them the whole story about Mr. Clark and the reason he had come to the hospital in the first place. Meredith could see in Derek's eyes how hard it was for him to relive it, but he kept talking anyway. It was hard for her to hear it too. It all felt so close, but still so far away. One moment she felt as if she was going through it all over again, and the next moment she felt as if it wasn't real, as if it was just a bad dream.

When he was finished, the color was gone from everyone's face.

"Oh, Derek." Carolyn said, tears running down her face. She stroke her hand over his hair, as if he was still her little boy. And in some way, maybe he was. Maybe that never went away.

"Meredith, are you okay?"

Meredith turned to her mother in law, who sat in a chair next to Derek's bed. Meredith sat in the couch, and Julie sat beside her reading a magazine while Nancy, Amelia and Kathleen were down in the cafeteria to get something to eat. Derek was sleeping, and he had been asleep for over an hour now.

"I'm fine." Meredith said to Carolyn, forcing a smile.

She wasn't fine at all, and she was glad Derek wasn't awake to hear her use the word that for them had a whole different meaning. He would see through her words right away, and he would know she was just pretending.

In fact, she felt everything but fine. She was still in some pain from the miscarriage, and she hadn't been sleeping since her nightmare. She had barely had anything to eat. Since last morning she had only eaten a sandwich that Christina had almost shoved down her throat. She just didn't have any appetite. Food was the last thing on her mind right now.

Meredith turned her eyes to Derek, who was sleeping. He had been sleeping a lot, which was completely normal for someone who had been shot and gone through a heart surgery. The more sleep he got, the faster he would heal. That was how the body worked.

But even if Meredith knew that, she couldn't help but wishing Derek would wake up. She wanted him to be awake, because she had a hard time dealing with his family by herself. They were so nice to her, but she couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable in their presence. She felt as if she had to say something to them, to say something supportive or comforting, but she couldn't think of anything to say. She couldn't find the right words.

"Hey. We got some food. Doesn't look to good though, but I guess it's the same in every hospital." Amelia said with a smile and handed the boxes of food over to her mother and Julie. Kathleen handed one to Meredith.

"Here you go. We figured you were hungry too." she said with a smile.

"Thank you." Meredith said, smiling back to her sister-in-law accepting the food and opening the box to start eating. She wasn't really hungry, but she knew she had to eat. She had barely eaten since yesterday morning, and she needed it to get some energy back.

"We ran in to Richard on our way back. He told us to say hi to you." Kathleen said and turned to Meredith. "Apparently he has a lot to deal with, and therefore he hasn't been able to stop by. But he said he'll try to come back later, when Derek is awake. He said he needed to talk to him."

"Good." Meredith said. She knew Mark had talked to Richard about Derek wanting to step down as chief, and she guessed that was the reason they needed to talk.

"I can only imagine how crazy it must be for him right now. Stepping up in Derek's place trying to handle this whole situation." Carolyn said, looking up at her sleeping son. "Moving the patients, handling the police, talking to the families. Making sure that everyone is taken care of. It's not an easy job." she said.

"Definitely not." Kathleen said, putting away her now empty box. She looked at her watch. "Oh, we should probably get going. Visiting hours are over soon."

Nancy nodded and stood "I guess we better get moving then."

Meredith looked up at them. "Where are you going?"

"We're staying at The Archfield's tonight." Carolyn said with a smile, picking up her bag and leaning forward to kiss Derek's forehead.

"Oh, you know, you don't have to do that." Meredith said, causing them all to look at her. "I mean, our house is big enough for all of you. Besides, no one's sleeping there now anyway." she said, feeling sad inside at the thought. Everyone who lived in her house was either lying in a hospital bed, or sitting beside one, waiting.

"Oh, that's not necessary, my dear." Carolyn smiled. "We don't want to be intrusive."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. That house has been crowded for years. " Mark's voice came from the doorway. "I'm not even sure Meredith knows everyone who has lived there."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Right. It's not that bad." she said.

Mark laughed. "Actually, it is. I'm amazed Derek has put up with it all this time." he smirked before he turned to Carolyn. "She's right though. You don't need to stay at a hotel. I can drive you to the house if you want."

"Okay." Carolyn said with a smile. "Thank you Meredith." she said, pulling Meredith close in a hug.

"Oh, don't worry about it." Meredith smiled.

The rest of the sisters stood up. Julie gave her a hug.

"We'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye." Meredith said with a smile as they disappeared. Mark smiled at her.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." she answered, sitting down in the chair beside Derek's bed.

"Well, you should try to get some sleep. It will make you feel better, I promise. I'll see you tomorrow, Grey."

"Yeah. And Mark." she said, as he started to walk. He stopped and turned around, facing her. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." He said with a smile and turned around.

Meredith smiled as he disappeared. Many times she had thought Mark was a jerk, but he was Derek's best friend, and she could really understand why. Because on the inside, behind all that insecurity, he was a really nice guy. He was a lot like Derek, actually.

She sighed, feeling the exhaustion washing over her. She needed to sleep, but she was afraid. Afraid that if she fell asleep, the pictures would be back to haunt her. She couldn't handle that, and she really didn't know how to chase them away. So she stayed awake. She forced herself to stay awake, to not close her eyes. And the hours passed by, with Meredith sinking deep into her own thoughts.

"Hey." Derek's voice woke her up from her thoughts. It had gotten really dark outside, and the hospital was quiet. "You should be sleeping." he said.

Meredith leaned forward to kiss him softly, ignoring his comment. "Hey. You feeling alright?"

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm fine."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Fine, huh? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really." Meredith said with a smile. "Just tired."

"You got any sleep?"

Derek said, sitting up in the bed.

"Not that much. It's kind of hard to fall asleep." That was not true at all. Falling asleep was actually really easy. It was being asleep that was hard. Being asleep without the nightmares was impossible.

"Bad dreams?" Derek asked with a sad face and Meredith nodded. A few years ago she would have lied to him, and told him everything was okay. But not now. She knew it wouldn't do anything good. He would never believe that lie. Besides, she wasn't running. Never again.

"Come here." Derek said, patting on the bed beside him and Meredith looked at him hesitant.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." she said.

"Why is that?" Derek smiled and tilted his head to the side.

"Because you had heart surgery yesterday." she pointed out.

"That doesn't mean you can't lay beside me. Come here."

Meredith hesitated before kicking off her shoes and slowly crawling up in the bed. She was careful not to touch him, and Derek smiled, amused at her efforts.

"You know, you wont hurt me if you touch me. I'm not that sick. I expected you to know that. I mean, you are a doctor after all." he smiled.

"Oh shut up." Meredith said and rolled her eyes at him.

"My wife is cranky again. I guess everything is alright with the world." he said with little laugh, putting his arm around her.

"You are such an idiot." she mumbled, before laying her head down carefully on his shoulder. She hadn't realized how much she wanted this, how much she needed to be this close to him. For the very first time since yesterday, she felt safe.

"I know." Derek said with a smile, looking down at her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

And by sleeping in Derek's arms that night, she was able to escape from the nightmares.


End file.
